Monday, March 14, 2016

DISCUSSION: The 5 Stages of ARC Rejection Grief

If you ask any blogger about ARCs, they will tell you they are not in it for the free books. And for the most part, that's true. I didn't even know about ARCs until I started my blog.

But if you ask any blogger about whether they care about ARCs . . . well, that's a different story. I think we all play it pretty cool. I think we all feel a little giddy when we hit that "request" button and we wait anxiously by our email for that approval notice. We all pretend that it doesn't break our hearts when we get rejected. Sure we think it, but we never say it. I may not blog just for the ARCs, but I still care dammit!

Here are the five stages of what I go through whenever my request for an ARC gets denied. The grief is real people.

1. Denial

Yes, I know it's been three months since I've submitted my request but I could still get approved, right?
Maybe no one at the publishing company is checking their email?
Maybe they're on vacation?
It's okay that they denied my request. I have enough ARCs on my plate anyway. Really, I don't need any more books.

2. Anger

Who are they to turn me down??
I hate that stupid rejection email!!
3. Bargaining
Maybe I could submit the request again and convince them HOW AWESOME I AM!!!
What if I promise them lots and lots of cake and rainbows??
If only they would just approve me, I swear I would give the book such a good review. THEY WON'T REGRET IT!!

4. Depression

Rejection hurts.
WHY DON'T THEY LOVE ME?!?!

5. Acceptance

Okay, I can't take it personally. There are lots of legitimate reasons for my request to be denied.

The time it takes me to go though these five stages can be anywhere from five minutes to an hour. But then it's over and I'm fine and I move on to the ARC request . . . . then the process starts all over again.

Do you ever feel these stages of ARC rejection grief? Can you relate? PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one!!

36 comments :

  1. Haha! I love this!
    I've been blogging nearly 5 years now and that rejection still hurts! It's really hard to not take it personally, but at the end of the day I just have to tell myself the book WILL be out eventually and I can wait. In the meantime, I have other awesome books to keep me company.
    This is really fun, Cynthia! :)

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    1. Thanks so much Nick! Yeah, I have been blogging for just over a year so it's nice to know that people who have been at it a while feel that way too. I try my best not to take the rejection personally, but it's so hard!

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  2. Ha! Glad I'm not the only one. The one where you just never hear from them is the worst. That's what happens to me 99% of the time and I just keep thinking that there's still a chance.

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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    1. Nicole, YES! I swear, I have a dozen Edelweiss requests that have just been sitting in the pending status forever. So annoying! But unless I get a rejection, I try my best to hold out hope.

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  3. Well, I've been blogging for 5 years now and the sting of rejection is even more pronounced. Because, hello?! 5 years and still nobody knows who I am! Thankfully, I've managed to learn how to accept it in good stride. My skin is thicker.

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    1. Joy, yeah I definitely need to grow some thicker skin. I have only been blogging for a little over a year. I am glad to know people who have been at it for a while also feel this way! :)

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  4. Haha I feel this all the time!

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    1. Jillian, glad I'm not the only one!

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  5. LOL! I've been waiting for my approval for City of Mirrors, and if I'm rejected, I think it'll be the first time I feel really freaking bad. Like, REALLY bad. :D

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    1. Christy oh man, there are certain books where the rejection just sends me in a tailspin. Good luck with your request!

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  6. I relate to this post SO MUCH! Even when I told myself it doesn't matter becuase I'm supossed to stop requesting ARCs anyways it still hurts when I don't get approved, I mean I want the books SO BADLY. Even when it's not something I'm uber excited for (like not one of my top releases of the year or even the month) the rejection still BURNS.

    This post is the best thing ever, and no, you are defintly not alone Cynthia! =)

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    1. Thanks Shay! I am so glad to hear that. Misery loves company, right? Ha. I also tell myself not to care, but then I get that rejection email and it BREAKS MY HEART.

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  7. This is hilarious! I've never actually gotten into the ARCs - as weird as this is going to sound from a book blogger, I actually really dread writing proper book reviews. Mine are always so wishy-washy and random, but I feel if I was reviewing an ARC I'd have to make it sound intelligent and thoughtful (WAY too difficult for me).

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    1. bornandread.com, Ha that is so funny. Believe it or not, my reviews have gotten better since requesting ARCS, maybe because I have to force myself to be somewhat thoughtful about it. Sounds like you have escaped all that pressure though. Good for you!

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  8. Great post, Cynthia! I can relate in my experiences with other types of rejection, lol... It's all about perspective and experience.

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    1. Thanks Ramona! Yeah, I try my best to keep in perspective but sometimes it's just HARD.

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  9. This is quite possibly the truest thing ever written? THANK YOU for this. Seriously, why does no one acknowledge that it feels like CRAP? And you're a better woman than I am, because it takes me wayyy more than an hour to get to acceptance (if ever bwhaha).

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    1. Shannon, to be honest the length of time it takes me to get to acceptance is directly proportional to how much I wanted the ARC. The more I wanted it, the longer it takes. And sometimes I just tell myself I am in acceptance mode when clearly I am not. Guess that is just more denial. :)

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  10. Love this post! I totally agree that it stinks when you're rejected, especially when you see lots of other people getting approved. I just try to move on and purchase the book when it comes out but it's never fun!!

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    1. Eva, yeah I know I can purchase it and sometimes I even tell myself that the book was not going to be any good anyway. Ha

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  11. This is so true! While I don't think ARCs are the most important things in the world, if I request one I certainly care enough that it is going to tear me apart a little bit when they reject me. Great post!

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    1. Thanks Rachel! No, they aren't the most important but I always get my hopes up!

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  12. Fantastic post..yep the pain is real!

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  13. Lol! It's funny because it's true.

    Most of the time I let rejection slide off my back. However, there is one situation that I got upset about and emailed the publisher (but never got a response):
    Harlequin denies me for around 99.9% I request. They say I don't meet their qualifications. However, I have a friend who doesn't have even half the number of followers I have, and they approve her for every single book she requests. Her Netgalley feedback ratio is around 1% because she requests so many books. Mine is 28%. Mine's not great, but it's way higher than hers. Plus, she only reviews a few books a month, compare to my 20-30 books a month. So, I have no idea why they approve her and not me. It makes me really mad.

    Books That Hook

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    1. Jennifer, oh I HATE that!! Harper Collins is one that denies me for EVERYTHING! I know that they are a bigger publisher, but they have approved bloggers that don't have the numbers I do too. I try my best to let go of the jealousy, but the struggle is real!

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  14. Hahahaha this post is so accurate. It's not the end of the world to get a rejection, but of course we still care! Though I think I feel anger more than the others lol.

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    1. Kristen, bahahaha. I get it. Depending on the book, I probably feel anger a bit more than the others too!

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  15. hahahaa great post! Were you spying on my Cynthia??? How did you know??? Can I add one stage??? at least for me there is one more.. PTSD lol After all that rejection then you are afraid to go and request again "omg... should I? should I log in? ok only to browse maybe. Oh... I LIKE how that ARC sounds. BUT NO. I'm not putting myself through this again! oh... maybe they would approve it this time. NOOO I'm sure they won't. Oh no maybe I should forget this"" LOL

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    1. Daniela, OMG YES!! PTSD is also a stage!! I swear that I have been rejected by Edelweiss SO MANY TIMES that I really hesitate about hitting that request button now. I don't even go on Edelweiss nearly as much as NetGalley because I am so traumatized by all the rejections.

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  16. I'm not sure I ever get past depression. I just keep thinking "Why didn't they like me????". I have given up on Edelweiss all together. I never get approved and its just too soul crushing to continue! Great post!

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    1. Yeah, I rarely go on Edelweiss anymore. I swear, in the past year and a half of blogging I have requested about 50 books from them and I have only been approved for ten. It's crazy.

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  17. Wow! It's like you are inside my head!!! This is me every single time. I am even like this on Edelweiss (i would be on netgalley too, but you only get one submission per book). I have submitted more than once for book on Edelweiss. (actually, sometimes it works) Rejection suck!
    Thanks for posting this, now I know I am not alone in my grief.

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    1. Karen, I know!! I have requested several books from Edelweiss more than once. And they are the ones who reject me the most. Argh! I hate it so much.

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  18. Mostly I go to the anger and then the depression! So I have two stages.

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    1. Lyn, ha. I get that. Depending on the book, those are my two only stages too. :)

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