Musing Mondays - Is Fifty Shades of Grey Abuse?

Musing Mondays is a weekly meme hosted by MizB of Should be Reading. Anyone can play along! This is when we speak about bookish rants or issues, among other things.

For this week's topic, I am discussing a topic that has been on my mind for a while: is Fifty Shades of Grey Abuse? I am not judging anyone who read and liked these books. I know there are some people who may think liking this book means condoning Christian Grey's actions, but I am not one of them. I read all three books and liked them. Actually, I enjoyed the first one, the second one was just okay and the third one was pointless because it was so repetitive. I firmly believe these books did not need to be a trilogy. I don't think the writing was the best, but I did think some of the sex scenes were hot. Maybe that is why I kept reading. 

No, I don't have a problem with people who like the book. What I have a problem with is the people who say there is no abuse at all on Christian's part. The fact that he doesn't actually hit her or rape her doesn't mean he isn't abusive. But actually, there is one scene that doesn't sit well with me. It may not be rape, but it was pretty close. In the book, Christian wants to have sex. Ana doesn't. She is trying to fight him off and she tells him that she doesn't want to. She says no several times. Finally, he tells her that if she doesn't stop fighting him, he will tie her feet and gag her. I know that she ends up enjoying the sex, but I really don't understand how people can think that is healthy. My husband has never threatened to tie me and gag me if I kept trying to say no to sex. Here are some other parts of the book that completely got under my skin:

1. Christian puts a tracker in Ana's cell phone and shows up at her mother's place, despite the fact that she has repeatedly told him she needs space and she has never told him where her mother lived or what her mother's name was. Sorry, but I found that way creepy. If a guy does this ladies, RUN! 
2. He also uses the tracker to follow her to a club where she is hanging out with her friends. He does this despite the fact that she has told him she wants to stay exactly where she is.
3. Christian is way too possessive. He almost gets into a fight with her male friend and doesn't Ana to spend any time with this guy. Christian also gets pissed off when she takes a phone call from her best friend Kate.
4. Christian calls Ana "his" repeatedly. He makes an appointment for her with a doctor that HE chooses and tell her that she has to go on the pill because he doesn't like condoms. And when she objects, he tells her that her body is his. Ha, okay. Again, not a sign of a healthy relationship. I am proud to say that my husband ha never tried to tell me what birth control to use. He left that decision up to me because, well you know, it's my body and all that.
5. People claim that Christian gets better and he changes because of Ana. Nope, not so much. In the last book (they are married at this point), Christian is insanely jealous and possessive because Ana dares to wear a bikini on their private yacht during their honeymoon. So what does he do? He gives her hickeys so that she will be bruised on purpose. He bruises her in places that makes it impossible for her to wear a bikini for the duration of their trip. I don't have a problem with hickeys, but I do have a problem with a man giving one for the sole purpose of marking his territory. Yeah, that doesn't sound like change to me. 
6. Another example of Christian's unhealthy stalking behavior: he deposits a large sum of money into Ana's bank account. Not only did she try to refuse it, he didn't even give her the chance because he found out her account number on his own and deposited the money. How creepy is it that he just found that information? 

Those are just a few of the examples that I could think of off the top of my head. I am sure there are more, but it has been over a year since I read the books. Like I said, I did like the books despite the fact that I rolled my eyes every time he acted like an ass (which was often). But I honestly don't understand how people can still defend Christian's behavior. It is possible to like the book without defending Christian. 

I know there are people who say that this book is fiction and people are taking it too seriously. And maybe I am. But there are so many women who actually dream of a relationship like the one between Christian and Ana. There are women who use Christian's past as an excuse for his behavior and said he just needed the love of a good woman to change him. That is dangerous thinking. Christian is emotionally abusive and in real life, men don't change. Hell, he didn't even change in the book. That is where the danger comes in: when women start thinking this is an ideal relationship. I would never want to be in a  relationship like this one. My best friend was in a relationship much like this one at one point. They fought all the time, every time she wore something that looked nice or put on makeup, he accused her of cheating on him. He hacked her email, he followed her. She put up with this for years before finally ending it. If two people have a relationship like Ana's and Christian's, it is not romantic. It is unhealthy. 

Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Do you think there are abusive elements in the books?